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13 May 2008 @ 08:31 pm
Title: Wish 
Author: jaejaelover33
Length: prologue/?
Genre: angst, drama
Summary: Depression, quiet, loneliness fills the house after Changmin is killed by an angry fan. How will the boys cope without their Dongsaeng? Will they lean on each other for strength to keep moving on, or deal with the heartache on their own?

My eyes were transfixed to the name on the gravestone, as if a magnet was making it impossible to look away. I couldn't feel my body, my muscles stiff, stressed. My eyes clouded with tears and I let them puddle up in my eyes and stream onto my cheeks, making tiny endless rivers of salty liquid that traveled to my chin. I didn't bother to wipe my tears away this time. Maybe it was selfish, but I was tired of being the strong one. Wasn't that Yunho's job anyway.

A warm hand grasped my own. Feeling surged back into my fingers, the pain eased, but only for a moment. My tears blurred my vision, making everything look like a smear of grieving black. I knew it was Yunho, though, his bigger hand comfortably holding mine.

"Jae, I'm so, so sorry." Yunho's voice was rough from crying.

I squinted, more tears fell. I tore my eyes away from the blurred image of the gravestone, pulling my free hand to my eyes to rub away my tears. "What are you sorry for?"

When I looked at him he wasn't watching me. He was looking at Junsu, and even though I couldn't see his face, I knew the pain that had settled in Yunho's eyes, seeing one of his former band members so broken. Junsu had taken the news... different than all of us. He wouldn't speak a word to anybody, no matter what we said to comfort him. In the week since we'd heard of Changmin's death everyday he would sit on the couch all day, curled into himself, hiding his face in his knees.

Junsu was sitting in one of the stupid folding chairs the funeral service had provided us. He looked lost, his eyes fixed on the ground like it was the most interesting thing in the world. But he wasn't paying any attention to anybody around him, looking like a loner, out of place.

Suddenly a whole new round of tears sprang to my eyes, and I gently pulled against Yunho's hand. He looked at me, his gaze mournful. "Jaejoong, I'm sorry for not being here, with you guys. I'm sorry."

My eyes widened. Was he blaming himself for this? For Changmin being gone? "Yunho, it isn't your fault."

His expression didn't show any indication that he'd heard me, but his grip on my hand tightened for only a moment. A low, almost inaudible sigh passed his thin lips. "I know." He whispered, but he didn't sound convince. "Jaejoong, let's go home."

I nodded, turning to take a last painful glance at the concrete stone that marked where Changmin was now, beneath the ground for eternity. I didn't let the tears fall again, holding them back and Yunho and I, hand in hand, walked to the others. I held out my open hand for Yoochun to take, and he did, standing up with Junsu's limp hand in his other. He pulled the non-responsive boy after him, and together, as just four, we walked to the car.

A/N: I was so ashamed with the poor job I did with this fanfic before. It was begging for me to revise it, but I think I went a little far. I may have completely altered the storyline, but it's ok, right?
I'll be continuing this soon, right after I finish The way we change. Aish smut, I cannot write it to save my life!
hmong_g on March 28th, 2009 07:09 pm (UTC)
Minnie died.
TT^TT *tears*
So sad.
Poor Yunnie.
Its oka to cry yunnie.
*goes hug yunnie*
Aigo so sad.
Please update soon though. :)
thepwahlovethepwahlove on June 30th, 2010 12:04 pm (UTC)
trulypurpletrulypurple on June 30th, 2010 02:40 pm (UTC)
OMO!! why? :(